Self discipline

In order for our weekly schedule to work I have to be disciplined.  It sucks.  I want to just lounge and chill out.  I want to stay up until 11 watching all those new shows that look interesting.  I want to have a glass, or two, of wine.  I can't do any of that.  Because I know if I do then the morning will derail.

I sincerely hope I can continue to look at that big picture and not indulge my inner child.  I need to remember how peaceful I feel when I walk into my kitchen at 6 am and see the counters clear of dishes that would normally sit and air dry at night.  I need to remember how rested I feel at 5:45 am when my alarm goes off when I've been a good girl and hit the sack, lights out and off to sleepy land by 10:30 (frankly the 10:00 that I did last night worked even better!)  I need to remember how clear headed I feel when I abstain from alcohol.  I keep reminding myself that Friday is coming, I can have a glass on Friday if I want, but during the week?  Nope.  It really affects the quality of my sleep and my mood and I cannot sacrifice either of those. 

I just need to take it one day at a time and remember what is most important, a smooth and peaceful morning for my boys before school.  I can remember plenty of mornings when I ran around like a crazed harpie.  It rarely was their fault I was angry, I was angry because I was tired.  Because I hadn't slept well or long enough, because things hadn't gotten done the night before.  I was angry at myself.  I do not want to be angry at myself anymore.