I apologize in advance if either of my sons ever stumble across my blog and read this....
I am grooveless, devoid of groove, severely lacking in all things groovy. This became painfully plain to me this morning as I sat, trying to relax, in the sauna in the gym. You see, normally people are quiet in the sauna. It's a place for solitary thinking, meditation, reflection....today however it was a meat market. I entered the sauna to find two women and a man chatting. It was unclear if they were friends before entering the sauna but when the dude started giving one of the chicks a massage it became a moot point. The conversation turned to chick two's birthday and he was asking her what her dream birthday gift would be, after some thought she said that being with friends is the ultimate gift-good answer....then went on to share that what she really wanted for her birthday was to get laid. Declaring it had been far too long-8 months in fact-since her last encounter. I did not need to know this. Nor did I need to know that this was her longest dry spell, but I know, I know now and the information is seared into my brain for all eternity.
They left the sauna shortly after and I was left in quiet for that much needed reflection. Now, I do not know these women, but I was left with the impression that they are very comfortable with their sexuality, they've got their groove. I was also left wondering have I ever been that, seemingly, comfortable? The answer was a loud and resounding NO. No, Krista, you have never been that comfortable. Sexuality is a loaded subject for me, it comes with more baggage than Paris Hilton on a weekend trip to the Bahamas. I am most defiantly not grooving. Why not? What's throwing off my groove? Life. Kids. Work. Life. My naturopath tells me that a lack of groove is somewhat common and to be expected at this stage in my life. After all, we've been together for 11 years, we're raising children, we're running a business, there's a lot going on that saps the groove. If it's normal then why do I feel guilty about it? Why do I worry so much about it? Why do I feel like I'm missing out? Like I'm the only grooveless woman walking the streets of Portland? So what's the secret to finding a lost groove? I'm listening....
Or if your sis in law falls upon it... ;)
ReplyDeleteI have no advice for the longest I was with someone was 5 years, but I do understand what you mean about 'loosing' something. I feel like I lost this "anything is possible" ambition in myself. I've always had confidence in my ability for school work or projects, but that's kind of where it ended. Suddenly, I can't find it any more. Maybe there is something weird going on with the planets or something.
The only thing I'd say is that you do A LOT so its only natural. It's hard to cut yourself some slack but try. Maybe now that you see it, you can start to be more aware and work toward it? My two cents. But man, its HARD!
I feel that with adulthood comes responsibility, less impulsiveness and sometimes less zest. One should take satisfaction in how meaningful one's life becomes and find some fun in routines.
ReplyDeleteDefinately more responsibility, I was never one that you would consider impulsive, I had my crazy days, they lasted about 3 months, and I don't miss those days. I think though that zest is a good word for what I'm missing. I can embrace my routines and appreciate all the things in my life, but I need a little more zest, a little more get up and go. That's a good word for it, zest.
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