Why do we not protect childhood?

I read a story today that deeply affected me. An 11 year old child just became a mother. She lives in the NE United States and delivered a healthy baby boy this month. I am stunned and saddened by this story for so many reasons.

First that a child as young as 10 would be sexually active is appalling. Yes, it is possible that this pregnancy was the result of rape or incest. The Grandparents aren't disclosing that information and, I suppose, rightfully so. Is it really my business? No it's not. But let's suppose that this child was willingly sexually active with a boy, the question is why? Why did she seek out and/or accept that type of attention? I can accept the idea that teenagers are sexual beings. Physically/hormonally they are primed and ready for procreation. Emotionally/mentally they are not. Our society has changed so much over the last century. It was not that long ago that a 14 year old girl was considered to be of the marrying age (my own Aunt was married at the tender age of 15). It was acceptable and perhaps desirable for her family to arrange a marriage and she went into it knowing that she would become sexually intimate with this man and bear children at, by today's standards, a very young age. Today that same 14 year old girl would never be expected or permitted to marry and we weep when she becomes a teenage mother. We deny that a teenager could have legitimate sexual feelings and as parents loathe discussing human sexuality with our children leaving them with little education to keep them safe but ample opportunity to get themselves in trouble. Physically though I don't think we've evolved at all, we're still the same as we were 100 years ago. It is society that has changed its expectations. Therein lies the conflict for so many teenagers, do they follow their human urges and needs or societies expectations? Does that make sense? This story though takes it to a new level. This was a 10 year old girl. At 10 I was still reading Nancy Drew and playing Barbies! The idea of sexual intercourse at that age had not entered my mind, and I was not a sheltered child. At 10 this girl should have still been enjoying her childhood not having sex and getting pregnant.

Second thing that makes me sad, and a bit confused, is why didn't her parents know she was sexually active and take steps to stop it? She was 10 after all it's not like she had keys to the family car and could come and go with the freedom of a teenager. If I thought for one millisecond that my tween was sexually active....but what if they truly didn't know? How have we allowed such a level of disconnect with our children? And it's not just this article, but you see it in the news of children committing suicide and their parents saying truthfully, "we didn't know they were in pain". How did it happen that the Columbine kids' parents didn't know how angry their children were? How did this child's parents not know she was having sex? I'm in my kids' business all the time! My teenage son asks why doesn't he have a computer and a TV in his room? I tell him it's because I like him! If he had a TV and computer (or just a computer since he can watch TV on that now!) then the only time I'd see him is if he needs to eat or pee and that's not an option. I told him I would not be able to look in his eyes and see if he's depressed-suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for his age group-or if he was high! And I tell him he can't because I'm the Momma and I said so! Will this ensure his safety? No, but I'm trying. I need to be engaged and plugged into my kids' life. I want to be the house that their friends hang out in. Now I'm not saying that parents who allow computers in their kids' rooms are bad parents. For me though it is not an option I will allow, it's not a risk I'm willing to take. It's a tool in my kit for getting my boys to adulthood safely and happily. I need to ensure that my children are safe by staying active in their lives. I need to swallow my own embarrassment and talk openly about the changes and challenges that they face as they grow up and physically mature. It is up to me to keep them safe and give them as much knowledge as possible to ensure they make good choices for themselves when they are out in the big bad world without me.

The idea of the physical strain of pregnancy in an undeveloped body too gives me pause. I loved being pregnant, but I was 29! And even though I was physically and mentally ready I still suffered the aches and pains typical to pregnancy. A 10 year old body was never meant to carry a child. The pelvis, the ribcage, none of that was designed to carry and then deliver a baby. There are so many things that could have gone wrong, even lethally, for a child of that age.

I am just so sad for this girl today. Her whole life has changed. Even though she won't be raising this boy alone she'll still see him every day, she will likely grow up as his sister, but she will be reminded daily of the circumstances that led to his conception-whatever those may have been. How will she deal with that? I hope that counseling is an option for this little girl. She will have so much to process in the coming months. Her physical recovery will be long, I would assume longer than a full grown woman's. I cannot fathom the post-partum hormonal changes that she will experience. I'm just really sad for her and I sincerely hope that she is getting the emotional support she will desperately need.

In the meantime though, I ask why are we not protecting childhood? It should be a safe and happy time for our babies. A time for self discovery and intellectual growth. For developing independence. For cultivating close friendships. Children should not be mini adults with adult sized worries and responsibilities. They know too much about the dark side of life and far too early. They don't need to watch the nightly news with their parents, they are not equipped to process what they see! What does it mean for our society as these pint sized worry warts grow and take on adult sized problems? How will they respond to the stress of the workplace when they've been chronically stressed since childhood? How can they be healthy adults if they've been in flight or fight mode for their whole lives? How will they age? I read somewhere that for the first time in who knows how long my son's age group has a shorter life expectancy than their parents. That is tragic. We are supposed to be educated and evolved yet we are failing to raise our children in safety and in good health. Do we not see the dire consequences of our inaction and poor choices?

Good luck little 11 year old girl. I hope you recover from all this and can still go on to lead a happy, HEALTHY, productive adult life.