Mean what you say and say what you mean!

Seems simple enough doesn't it? Like Horton the Elephant we should all mean what we say and say what we mean. Why then is it so difficult?

We humans seem to be programmed to avoid conflict at all costs. Sometimes that means saying what you think the other person wants to hear, otherwise known as blowing smoke up...well you know.

But what the other person wants to hear is irrelevant. The thing that matters is truth and honesty, no? Tell the truth! It makes life so much easier. Less complicated. Less drama filled. More peaceful.

Ah, peace. The elusive peace. I spend so much time searching for it. To be fair I have felt more peaceful lately and I'm really enjoying that. Part of that is due to my nutrition changes-I don't want to say diet cause that's such a loaded and ugly word! I'm feeding my body better and my mind is benefiting. I've also been more diligent about sleep. I might want to stay up late but I know that when my alarm sounds at 5:35 (ish) I will regret it. I've been better about going to bed regardless of Rene's night owl tendencies and I've been able to ignore the full DVR. Sleep is non negotiable! I've been spending more time with books, this is very beneficial for me. I love to read. I'm working on my peace.

To further advance my inner peace I broached a subject a couple of weeks ago with my boss...haha yeah I know-Rene, we work together, I cannot refer to him as my boss with a straight face although technically he is the President of the Corporation. Anyway, I took a few deep breaths and opened a dialogue about my hours. This was hard for me, I hate conflict as much as the next girl! But, my working hours are a source of stress for me. If I had my ideal situation I would have stayed home with my boys, now that Paulo's in school full time I would love to only work during his school hours. That would be IDEAL for me. If Rene had his ideal I'd still be working 50 hours a week with him like I did before Paulo was born. So we're on opposite sides when it comes to what would be "perfect" for either of us. As a compromise I opened with an offer of working until 5 on Monday and Friday and picking up Paulo on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, which means I end my day at 2:50. He's not a big fan of this idea. We're under what I like to call heated negotiations. He begrudgingly said ok, but here we are almost two weeks later and how many times have I picked up my son? Zero. Part of the problem is the fact that he does not know how to use our repair order program, I close out all the repair orders. He's not that computer savvy and watching him type is painful, BUT, he told me if I install the program on his computer he will learn to use it which would free me up to pick up our son like I want. OK, I sent away for the discs and installed it today. Balls in your court now buddy. I think though he was hoping I wouldn't actually do it. I suspect he was telling me what he knew I wanted to hear and not what he was really willing to do. We'll see. I hope he proves me wrong.

I honestly don't think I'm asking for the moon here. I would love to have Tuesday and Thursday to go to the gym and Wednesday as my fun/errand day. If stuff at home is caught up I could take my son to the park or to OMSI. We could just hang out and play more. I miss my baby when I'm working and I know he misses me too. Plus I feel isolated from the other Moms. I see them chatting at drop off or pick up and I envy the fact that they have had extra time to get to know each other. There are a lot of stay at home Moms and they're able to be in the classroom more, go on field trips, or just chat in the courtyard at the end of the day. I'm constantly rushing. Rushing to drop him off and get to work. Rushing, if I'm lucky enough to pick up, to then get back to work or get him to the appointment that's scheduled after school. Rush! Rush! Rush! I'm tired of that. I just need a little more time. I'm not asking for too much. I am asking for a compromise, to meet in the middle. And I really hope he doesn't disappoint me.