Made it through

Every time I quit caffeine I have 24-36 hours of pain.  I **think** I've made it through relatively unscathed.  Now I need to figure out how to balance my love of a good cup of coffee with my need to remain, well, balanced. 

After this week of no alcohol, no meat and no caffeine I'm starting to feel normal again.  I find it interesting how foods and drinks affect my sense of well being so deeply.  I never made the connection until recently.  I mean, yes, I've always known we are what we eat but food really makes a difference in my mood and overall state of mind.  And it's not like I've been starving myself this week, quite the contrary!  Last night we feasted on a big tossed salad with homemade vinaigrette and then the main course was polenta topped with sauteed red onion, asparagus, mushroom, artichoke hearts and kalamata olives.  For the carnivores I added some crispy pancetta.  It was quite a tasty dinner, I impressed myself!  Truth is, I really, really like food.  I just struggle with balance-which is my recurring theme to this life I think.  Balance.  The search for it.  The struggle with it.  The loss of it.  The renewed search...struggle....trying not to lose it again. 

I'm heading into the weekend and this weekend I have some dinners planned.  Dinners out that is.  Dinners with darling friends that often bring out the worst in my pendulum, well one friend does anyway, he's quite the encourager if you know what I mean.  I've already discussed this with myself though, I will enjoy my dinner out.  I will allow for a glass or two of wine, but no more.  And no hard alcohol.  Which is unfortunate considering we're going to a restaurant famous for their tequila.  On Sunday we have dinner planned at my in laws for my coming birthday.  Again, I will stick with my vino, which seems much kinder to my psyche than hard alcohol, although I'm not sure why.  I will remain conscious in my choices.  I will remain in charge.  I will remain balanced.  I owe it to myself.  Balance should be wrapped up in a pretty bow and be my birthday gift to myself I think.