Speaking the same language

Are you and your partner speaking the same language?  There's been a lot of chatter on a Mommy board I have been part of since my son was a babe about The Love Languages.  I would guess that 99% of the population knows about the Five Love Languages series of books, there's even love languages for kids and teens books now-what's next? Dogs and cats?  The basic premise is that the way we express love and need to receive love differs from person to person so you and your partner, in this case my husband Rene, may not be speaking the same language which can-understandably-lead to conflict, hurt feelings, missed opportunities and ultimately enough anger to keep that divorce rate ticking steadily up. 

I took the on line test and my primary language, as expected, was words of affirmation.  Kudo me! Kudo me! Kudo me!  For me though, it's not just random, hey you're looking hot today kudos.  I do not define myself by my appearance.  Do I appreciate a compliment when I've taken some time on my appearance?  Of course.  But it is not who I am.  How do I define myself?  By how well I take care of my family.  So where do I want to be fed?  In the caretaker realm of my life.  If I love you I feed you.  If you love me, tell me I fed you well!  I am a caretaker, a nurturer, the one to keep your plate full and your glass topped off with wine.  I love, love, LOVE being a mother.  Yes, they drive me crazy sometimes, but I cannot imagine a day without them.  When Paulo spends the night at his Grandma's I miss him.  It's usually less than 16 hours that he's gone but I miss him!  I don't like looking in his room and seeing his bed empty.  It's painful.  If I'm here, he should be here.  With Dimitri I had to get used to the empty bed.  It's always been that way for roughly half of the time due to the joint custody arrangement with Rene's ex wife.  But I still don't like it.  No one does.  The family is not complete when Dimitri is not home.  So for me, my cup needs to be filled in that arena.  Because, let's face it, taking care of others while rewarding is also draining.  It drains my emotional piggy bank dry some weeks. 

I was trying to explain all this to my husband last night-not sure how much he really gets, because we speak different languages.  See, his primary language is touch, he needs to take the full test though because I want to see where the rest of his percentages lie.  I told him last night that I think we should read the book.  By reading, I mean I should read the book and I'll have to get the audio version for him.  I love my husband, but that man hates to read-which I cannot understand in the least.  If you look at my nightstand right now I have not one but three books I'm in the process of reading.  I love books.  Love feeling it in my hands.  Love the smell.  Love the process of turning page after page filling my mind, feeding my soul.  He.....does not share my love.  OK then, audio book for Rene, book book for me.  So, off to my library website I go this morning and what do I find?  The library owns 8 copies of the book....they are all checked out at the moment....and there are 30 holds placed already.  HUH?!  Wow!  That's a lot of people speaking different languages.  I'm happy though that they are taking advantage of the wonderful library system we have, and hopefully improving their marriages in the process, but not so pleased I'm going to have buy the books if I want to read them before, say, Paulo starts high school!