The grind

Some months I get stuck in the grind. This is one of those months I think. The grind...well it sucks. There's too much going on right now and it makes me want to hide my head under a pillow. Or stick my fingers in my ear and chant lalalala, depends on my maturity level at the moment.

I'm sure most can relate to the feeling of being pulled on. I've got Dimitri on one foot pulling for homework help. Paulo on a hand pulling for play. Rene pulling on the other side of me for both work and home. And I'm just trying to keep it all together. Keep all the balls in the air. Don't drop anything....can't drop any...thing...oops, dropped something. Right now that something is the downstairs bathroom. Needs to be cleaned. Haven't done it. Maybe tonight...or not.

Yes it's been a busy, hectic, month. Some of the busy has been fun. We took the boys to lunch and a movie on Sunday, we hadn't done that since last summer! I had lunch and dinner out with girlfriends, long overdue and passed too quickly. We've had holidays and birthdays and have more birthday parties this weekend and next. But we've also had grocery trips. Doctor appointments. Homework. Allergies. Sickness. Work, work and more work. The grind....the grind sucks.

I'd like to press pause sometimes on life in general. Just hit pause and sit, in silence, until I feel recharged. Or sleep. A midday nap, that's indulgence. A full day at home, alone, to putter, read and nap, heavenly. Simply time to read the PILE of books on my nightstand-hey maybe I should put away that pile since seeing it makes me feel bad-but time to read, I miss time to read. Honestly I have to be glad that there are no more Harry Potter books coming out because I simply don't have the free time I used to have to read. I used to burn through the new book in a matter of days. I would read while I made scrambled eggs in the morning, Rene laughed at me. But I was proud that neither the book nor the eggs burned! If there was a book 8 I'd be screwed, when would I read it? The older the boys get the less leisure time I seem to have. I suppose that is what makes us appreciate retirement so much. By the time we're ready to retire we've been stuck in the grind for decades and it just gets more grind-y every year, so man when that time comes to exit the rat race, we really appreciate it!

Speaking of the rat race I have paperwork staring at me, time to return to my grind. My vent time has passed. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys, I love my life, but sometimes the grind just gets to me. There are moments though, moments of shine. This morning my 14 year old surprised me with a little gift. It was a bookmark. A really cute metal bookmark with a charm dangling from it. The charm is a peace symbol with Celtic style markings. He'd seen it the weekend before at a garage sale and got it for me. How sweet is that?! Totally out of the blue too. Little moments like that make the grind seem less grind-y.