Why I say no

My son asks me regularly for a DS. I tell him no every single time he asks. You'd think he'd get the hint and stop asking but children are remarkably resilient. They don't accept defeat easily, which to be honest is a trait I admire. He asks me why and I tell him that I simply do not think he needs to have mobile video games. That the time he plays at home is more than enough-often more than he should!-and that there is no reason he needs to play in the car or the store or the doctor's office waiting room. And I tell him, he is just too young.

I had a grocery store experience yesterday that reaffirmed my stance. I love taking Paulo out and about. He's a social butterfly, he chats up old ladies at New Seasons, talks to the tellers at the bank, compliments the checkers at Fred Meyers, he's a social child. He'll strike up conversations with people in the line in front of us, as he did yesterday. There was a mother and child in front of us and Paulo asked what's your name. The child did not look up. Her mother answered for her and, after seeing my son try to say hello to her daughter, nudged her and insisted she respond. If you can call it a response. She barely made eye contact and was at first totally unaware of my son's presence. She assumed she was being asked to address the checker in fact and said hello to her first. Then, after being nudged again, finally acknowledged my boy's presence, then she went right back to her DS.... okie dokie...Now it is of interest to note that this child was at least as old, if not older, than my son, but was in the grocery cart, where the babies sit. After all, walking around a grocery store with your nose in a DS can be dangerous, she likely would have crashed into something or someone. But this girl, who was more than capable of walking through the store for what appeared to be a very brief trip, was sitting....and playing video games....and ignoring my son's attempt at making contact.

What struck me though is the lack of social skills displayed. The constant influence of media is taking a toll on basic social skills that are necessary for a successful society. When do our children learn to make eye contact if they never look up from their DS? When do they learn to politely converse if they can't be pulled away from the latest Pokemon adventure? Do we really need to give video games to soothe them during a 20 minute pit stop at the grocery store?? Video games can be fun, I'm a big fan of the Wii bowling myself, but there has to be balance.

To be fair, this child may be extremely well adjusted and quite a social butterfly herself, obviously I only saw a small glimpse. But it was enough to give me pause. And to reaffirm my stance on the DS. Sorry, Paulo, no DS for you, I want to encourage you to talk to strangers and make friends, to brighten old lady's days with your sweet random compliments about their eyes or their glasses or their sweaters. I want you to never, ever lose your ability to look a person in the eye and smile at them while saying Hello! So, for the foreseeable future there will be no DS in my son's hands while making a pit stop at the grocery store on our way home for dinner.