Lessons to be learned

When I think of parenting, I often think of all the things I will teach my children. Life lessons, bike riding lessons, cooking lessons and yes-sooner than I want to admit-driving lessons.

Today though I was the student and Paulo was the teacher.

My son is....exuberant. I love that about him. He's zesty! He loves life and everything he does he does 110%. His school decided to put on their very first talent show this year. He initially said he wanted to do a break dance routine. Okey dokey! However after reviewing the permission slip rules with him that stated all children must practice their routine at least three times he decided he'd just watch this year. Again, ok.

Fast forward to yesterday and he seemed to be regretting his decision not to participate. I took him to school and ended up sitting in the hall for a bit while he cried. He'd decided somewhere along the way that his true talent was not break dancing but was playing Super Smash Brothers on the Wii, so he wanted his entire school to come to our house that afternoon to watch him play the game and he just did not understand why I told him that was not a reasonable request! Last minute field trips don't work, kids have to have permission slips to leave school, we'd need drivers, parents are working, etc., etc., etc., but still he cried. I think too that the end of the year is emotional not only for us as Moms but for kids too. Endings are hard, goodbyes are tough, and I'm sure that was a factor in his emotions yesterday. He knows that Thursday is his last day of school and he told me yesterday he doesn't want school to end because he wants to learn more stuff....yes, Momma was proud!

I went to the talent show to watch even though my boy had opted not to perform, yesterday was the K-3rd graders, it was Cute. Practically an overdose of cuteness. Lots of awkward moments. Just a bunch of cute kids doing their best and other cute kids cheering them on. It was very sweet and endearing. I watched my son though and could see the conflict, he wanted to be up there. There was a particular moment too when a 3rd grader got up to do a break dance routine to the Black Eyed Peas' Boom Boom Pow, that was the song Paulo had initially picked. He looked at me with his eyes huge and his mouth gaping as if to say WTF?! I shrugged and nodded my head as if to say, could have been you buddy! He came to me after the show and said he knew what he should have done! It occurred to him THAT DAY that he should have signed up to read a book. Not sure this Momma could be prouder of that idea. I told him that was a good idea and that maybe next year he could sign up and read a passage from Harry Potter. But he was on a mission. He was determined to be included in this year's show, he just needed to figure out HOW.

Day two of the talent show is this afternoon. The 4-8th graders are going to perform today. My son however was determined to also perform. He had made up his mind that he was going to do whatever he could to get up on that stage. I told him yesterday that all he could do was ask. He'd have to ask Monica-the teacher who was organizing-if there was room. He needed to be prepared for the answer to be no though, that there might be so many kids already signed up that there simply wasn't time. And if that was the case then I hoped he'd remember next year how he felt and would sign up and practice his talent. This morning I asked him what he was going to do, he hemmed and hawed and said maybe not, I told him I'd support him either way. If he wanted to ask Monica or if he wanted to wait for next year, either was ok. He decided he'd ask and grabbed Green Eggs and Ham. I had to break it to him that Green Eggs and Ham takes considerably longer than 3 minutes to read-that's the time limit, 3 minutes. So then he had a flash of brilliance! His Knock Knock book!! He'd bring his knock knock joke book and tell jokes! (Paulo lives life in !!!, everything he does he does big.) He grabbed his book and off we went. I told him he should pick just 3 jokes and practice them in the car so he was sure he could get all the words in and pronounced correctly. So our commute this morning was filled with knock knock! who's there?!

We arrived at school and he ran in clutching his treasured book. We found Monica and he approached her and asked "Can I do THIS!?" (Fortunately he attends a very positive, inclusive, loving school and really there wasn't much chance of her saying no unless the schedule was truly full.) She didn't say no. She smiled. She asked if he'd practiced, YES! She asked if it was ok with me, I laughed. Paulo shrieks "I'll take that as a YES! I GOT THE PART!!!!" To which Monica told him that with a response like that then he definitely gets to do it. So now today I go back to day two of the talent show, there's no way I'd miss my baby's performance debut.

But back to the lesson, what I learned today was: ask. Ask for what you want. That's a really, really tough one for me too. I struggle with that. But I watched my self confident, happy son approach this adult, ask for what he wanted, GET what he wanted and be so thrilled with himself, so proud at accomplishing what he wanted, and I couldn't be prouder. It amazes me that child came from this Mom. I was not confident at his age. I did not get involved with school talent shows, I hardly was involved with school sports either. I feared rejection so much that I just didn't put myself out there. If I don't try then I won't fail, I won't be rejected, if I don't ask then I won't hear NO. I still struggle with that. I wish I'd learned early that school, and life, is what you make it so make it great. Get out there. Make new friends. Try new activities. Ask. Ask for what you want. What's the worst that could happen? I struggled today with letting my son put himself out there. I swallowed back my fear that my little boy would be rejected and I tried not to discourage him from trying, from asking. It was hard though. I will admit I was afraid he would be disappointed, I was afraid he would be rejected. Instead I watched a determined and confident child make his pitch to the teacher and the teacher, smiling and encouraging, say yes, of course you can participate. Moments like that make it easier the next time for him-and honestly easier for me too.