It's only the 3rd day of March and already I'd like to hit fast forward and be done with this month. I'm unsettled. Out of balance. Irritable and totally stressed out. As I sit here wallowing in my stress and anxiety I'm reminded of an MSN article I read recently that stated approximately 6% of women admit to misusing prescription drugs to deal with their constant state of stress. Women are using pain killers, anti anxiety meds, or even dipping into the kids' ADD meds for a little mental boost! I understand these women right now. In fact if someone came up and said hey...want a little somethin' somethin'... I would be seriously tempted. I know, logically, that this would not solve my problems, oh yes it would make them much much worse, but oh the option to just forget about it all for a little while, tempting!
Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) I come from a long line of addicts and I KNOW this would be a bad, bad thing to offer to someone like me. A slippery slope for sure. But I get it. I understand the desire to escape. We are in arguably the most stressful time of life. Many of us are raising kids, running households, desperately holding onto jobs or running our own companies, trying to keep a relationship alive with our partners all while filling in the gaps in our children's classroom and watching our parents age, which means often taking on a more active role in their care be it through filing paperwork, hand holding through wills or power of attorney, medical scares, etc., etc., etc. Personally I feel like my brain is going to explode this month, and it's only the 3rd day of March!
So I went to the gym yesterday to try to deal with my stress, it barely scratched the surface.
I went to bed early, like a good little girl, but again it's all only scratching the surface of my nearly unbearable state of mind right now.
In the meantime, I keep reminding myself to breathe deeply. To slow down the racing thoughts. That there are worse things that what is going on in my day to day right now. Yes, there are far, far worse things.....
I wish I could magically reprogram my brain's response to stress. I am a total crash and burn person. I get myself all worked up over a situation and then once that fire is out I crash. I'm exhausted, mentally and emotionally drained. It feels like it takes forever to restart my happy thoughts. I live in black and white for up to a week, sometimes more, after an "incident". I wish I could speed up the recovery process-hence my pondering valium-but I haven't found an effective way to do it. I feel sorry for my family too as they sit and wait for the storm to pass. It's like a car with a bad battery, cranking and cranking and cranking hoping that the engine will start. That's me. I'm a car....with a bad battery. I see Paulo getting out of sorts and cranky and then the guilt compounds the sadness. And really, is he cranky because of me? I don't know. But as a Momma I will always assume responsibility for his pain, I will always feel like it's my fault if he's not happy.
What is your favorite stress relief trick? (that don't cost anything, since $$ is one of my major stressors right now!) I will keep doing what I know will eventually help-the gym and sleep-but I'm open to other suggestions.
You have been so quiet of late on all fronts so I just knew something was up...I was giving you another day or so before I hunted you down. You have too much on your plate. You need to allocate some of your load...whatever necessary. Take more time alone. More time at the gym, a massage (yes, get one as often as possible) is a MUST, etc. You should have a lot of "you" time each week. For me it is cooking and ballet (I prefer swimming but a pool is so hard to come by!). Get destressed and have others help pick up the load.
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