Peers, parties and playdates

I'm a worrier. It's ingrained in me. I worry about the boys' health. I worry about their diet. I worry if they worry. I worry if they fit in. That's a big one for me. Do other children like my children?? Are they happy in school? Do they have someone to play with at recess, well not at recess anymore for big D being a high school freshman now, but still, do people talk to him in the halls?!

I'm quite sure my deep seated anxiety comes from my own lonely child past. I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I was far from popular, in fact in grade school and middle school was down right picked on for not wearing the right clothes, carrying the right back pack, basically being poor. Because of that I'm very concerned that my boys look nice. If the pants creep up above those ankles they are off to the donation box! If the shoes are falling apart, bye bye! As a little one Dimitri was oblivious to clothing, he still is somewhat. Paulo is still blissfully ignorant about clothing as a status symbol, in fact he will pick out some pretty interesting outfits-and I let him. He will also bust out his "torpedo suit" for dinner parties (this is a white button down shirt and nice black vest, he means tuxedo but torpedo is so stinking cute I can't help but let him keep saying it!). I think Dimitri is more aware now of how his peers judge people based on their clothing. But I doubt he's ever lost any sleep over whether he will be accepted based on what's covering his butt.

I do worry though about them fitting in with their peers. I did not grow up in the age of the play date, and frankly even if that was a common thing when I was 5 it would not have happened. Now as a working Momma I find it difficult to host play dates for Paulo and his classmates. On the weekend he plays with his neighborhood buddies in my house or in theirs but I wish I could find more school buddy play date opportunities. This is why I was so happy to get an email from another Kindergarten mom inviting Paulo to a play date with her son. We've bounced emails around for the last week, thinking about after school or during Spring Break but finally settled on tomorrow. So tomorrow Paulo gets to go play with a school friend! He's so excited and so I am. I want him to have what I didn't have, a rich supportive group of friends to help him learn to navigate the social waters. Yes his education is what he's in school for but social growth is vital. And that can't all take place in a classroom. He needs outside time to develop strong bonds with his classmates. I hope that these are the boys and girls that Paulo will be spending the next 7 years with, our Charter School goes up through 8th grade, I want him to feel intimately connected to these kids. To be invested in the relationship. To know the value of friendship. Those are things that I cannot give him myself. I give him unconditional love. I am his preferred playmate for many things. I read to him. I feed him. But I cannot be his friend. I can model friendship but I cannot be his friend. I'm his mother, there's a difference.

Birthday parties are another opportunity and today we have our first classmate party to attend. It's at Chuck E Cheese....which gives me the heebie jeebies, but still I was so happy to get the evite for the birthday party. Again, I worry about him fitting in, and I feel like a birthday invitation is a validation of how this kid feels about my son. It was not a blanket invite everyone in class party, it was select. And she selected Paulo. This made my heart happy. He got his second party invitation this week, another girl-I find it ironic that the only party invites he's gotten are from the ladies....again seeing that invitation gives me peace of mind. I feel good knowing that he's liked. His teacher told us at our conference that everyone loves my kid but seeing those evites in my in box, that's what gives me peace of mind.