Can I do it??

I saw my naturapath this week, love her, love my Kelly...without her I'd be in much worse shape than I am. She reminds me every time I see her to take care of myself, something I struggle with. She also has me taking a variety of vitamins and supplements to battle the depression monster. I spent a couple of years on Zoloft and would prefer not to return. I really did not like the way my body reacted to taking away the drug, the withdrawal was brutal. Vomiting. Dizziness. The works. I also hate the idea of caffeine withdrawal, I've given up the hard stuff a number of times and the headache that follows is brutal. I don't like knowing that my body is dependent on a drug, yet being a really tough drug to kick for good I've been back on that particular sauce for years! The last time I gave it up was right before I got pregnant with Paulo. As soon as I had him though I had my regular coffee consumption carefully timed to try to minimize any buzz from my breast milk.

But back to Kelly....I get nasty headaches every month, they are cyclical, hormone based, you know, in general they suck ass. She told me this week about a treatment plan that has had success with some of her other menstrual migraine customers. It's called a Castor oil pack. Rather odd to read about but basically I need to soak some flannel in Castor oil and then apply it to my right side over my liver, cover that with some plastic and then apply a heat pad. The oil is supposed to get absorbed through my skin and boost my liver function. Okey dokey....I'll try anything to get rid of the damn headaches! So in about a week think of me....marinating in Castor oil...and keep your fingers crossed that I can stop downing Ibuprofren like it's candy. If you're bored and want to read about it here you go:
http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/dietarytherapy/a/CastorOilPack.htm

She also brought up the subject of cleansing. Now she does not advocate the hard core water only fasts, although some of her clients want that extreme version, but she mentioned the Anti Inflammatory Diet. Basically reducing inflammation in the body through diet. She also mentioned cleansing the liver. She said that the liver is known as "the organ of anger". This peeked my interest. Chinese medicine refers to Liver Qi Stagnation, essentially that the energy that flows through our body gets stagnant in the liver and can cause symptoms such as:

Pain or discomfort anywhere along the sides of the body *check*
Depression *check*
Mood swings *check*
Sighing
Hiccups
Frustration *check*
Inappropriate anger *check*
Sensation of a lump in throat *check*
Difficulty swallowing
Bitter taste in mouth *check*
Constipation *check...TMI I know*
Abdominal pain and discomfort *check*
Stomachache that improves after massage
Stomachache that worsens with anger *check*
PMS with irritability or swollen breasts *check*
Irregular or painful periods
Poor appetite
Churning sensation in stomach *check*

I lifted this list from here: http://www.acufinder.com/Acupuncture+Information/Detail/The+Liver+and+Liver+Qi+Stagnation

Looking over and marking the symptoms that apply I think I am a good candidate for a cleanse in general, a liver detox if you will in particular. So what does that mean exactly?? There are a lot of different options. There's the hardcore Master Cleanse, uh not sure I can go that route. There's raw food diets. There's the juice fast that old Gwyn talked about on her GOOP site recently, but man that's a lot of celery to be juicing! Who buys that much celery?! There's tons of fad diets on the internet and no shortage of people that want to sell me something "for my health". But going back to what Kelly refers to as the Anti Inflammatory Diet it is kind of like the Mediterranean Diet filled with good healthy fats, no processed foods, limited sugars and tons of fruits and veggies, in general it's an extremely healthy way of eating. Not something to be done for 10-14 days and then go back to our modern and destructive way of eating, it's a lifestyle.

The thing is I already eat like this most of the time. So this should not be difficult. The difficulty comes in this: I think I need to add at least a two week period of no alcohol consumption...zero, nada, zilch. I was intrigued by the description of the liver being the organ of anger. Personally when my body is processing the alcohol and the liver is working over time I do get angry. Irritable. Cranky. Quick to snap at others. And then I get sad. This is also often when I reach for another drink. Anything to delay those unpleasant feelings until I can go to bed and ignore them (sooooo not healthy I know!). So if I can give my poor over worked organ a break and help detox my body through diet, exercise, the sauna and marinating in Castor oil I think I will feel better. I don't feel great right now. Neither mentally nor physically. I'm tired. I need some physical and spiritual spring cleaning. And I need to prove to myself that I can do this. I can be disciplined enough to do this for myself.

Describing the liver as where we hold our anger made sense to me. It also made me a little sad for my Momma. I wish she'd had a Kelly. If she'd had a Kelly she might not have self medicated with booze all her life and maybe would not have damaged her body and consequently her brain. Was her dementia directly related to her drinking? No one can tell me with certainty but I believe it was. Honestly her drinking was only one aspect of unhealthy living. So many factors combined in her life that led to her death. But really, I wish she'd had a Kelly. Someone to encourage her to take care of herself. To teach her what supplements and in what amounts can help manage the worst of the symptoms. To remind her that it's all a learning process. To tell her to forgive her shortcomings and keep working on becoming the best and healthiest person she could be. I hope that when she gets her next go round on Earth she finds her Kelly and that she learned this time to take better care of herself next time.