A test

I feel like I passed a test tonight. I've technically named Thursday as the start date of my liver detox period. Still though I'm practicing the no alcohol now. I was home alone Sunday night when Rene went to get his friend from the airport. They were supposed to come straight back here and we'd hang out, chat, have a couple drinks-the typical social structure at my house. Instead they went to a restaurant cause J and H hadn't eaten anything. I admit I was disappointed. I was looking forward to some adult conversation-which has been severely lacking in my life. I decided to do the grown up thing and make a cup of sleepy time tea and go to bed at a decent hour. I found it interesting that the next morning when I came down and saw the evidence of their social hour and nightcap I was jealous. I had a moment of regret that I had done what I KNEW was best for me and had "missed out" on something. I got over myself.

Last night we were all together at my house for dinner. There was some drinking, I knew there would be. I allowed myself the freedom to enjoy it, just not over do it. It was a good time, I realized how long it had been since I'd enjoyed good adult company. I love my kids but they just don't meet all the mental needs!

Tonight, I am alone with the boys. Rene was invited to the Blazer game-great seats too-and so it's just me and the boys. And I'm tired. Paulo and I have not been sleeping well and there was a lot of running around today to get Dimitri to school, Paulo to the doctor, pick Dimitri up from golf, then pick up the antibiotics...by the time we got home around 6:30 I was feeling it. I stood there looking at my options. My drink options. Cause that's my go to when I'm stressed, a nice glass of wine-which is fine in moderation, I considered a beer, I weighed my options and then I asked myself why I wanted a drink. And I answered myself that I felt entitled to one after the day I'd had....entitled to one? Really? I reminded myself that what I'm really entitled to is good health...and poured a tall glass of mineral water.

This reprogramming of my habits will take time. You see, I know there is nothing wrong with a glass of wine or a beer. But I also know I'm not always the one in control of when or how much I drink and that's not ok. That's a scary thing for me to admit to myself. It's become so habitual though over the last few years, the nightly drink(s). But I need to remember what my goal is: excellent health. To get there I have to reevaluate some of my habits and make the changes I know I need to make.