Waging war in the urban jungle

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Coffee is my gateway drug

It's day two.  Day two of no coffee in the morning.  It's also day two of no added sugars and no alcohol.  I did a two week anti inflammation diet/cleanse in March during which I cut alcohol, sugar, meat and caffeine from my food supply.  I felt really good-once the initial body shock wore off.  Since then I've tried to maintain my reduced caffeine intake, but I've noticed it creeping up.  And as it crept up, with an extra cup here, a latte there or a diet coke here and there, I've noticed my sense of well being tick down....down......down.

Creeping up along side it was sugar and alcohol.  Now those two go hand in hand for me.  When I have a couple of drinks I crave sugar.  It's insane.  I find myself standing in my pantry, seemingly not in control of my hands, shoveling handfuls of mini marshmellows into my mouth.  I want sugar, in any form, and lots of it.  Then the crash comes, both from my body burning off the booze and from the massive sugar dump into my blood and that's when I really feel like crap.  I get bitchy too!  No fun for anyone!

So I decided on Monday that enough was enough.  I needed to rein it back in.  I need to remind my drugs (and yes I do consider sugar a drug) just who is in charge here!  Uh, who is in charge?  Oh yeah, me.  Sure...I'm in charge....I'm in charge....hey, I am in charge.  Yesterday when I got up I made my tea while I made Rene's coffee.  I didn't miss the coffee-much.  Although by 8:00 or so at night I had a headache, might have been related to the missing caffeine, might just have been a headache.  The boys had sweets for dessert during Wipe Out, I did not.  Frankly I was full from dinner, but sometimes full or not I am not able to say no to a cookie.  And, most importantly, I went to sleep early.  That's a tough one for me too.  That's another thing that I've noticed.  I've been sleeping less, which is very very bad for me. 

This week I am returning the focus to my health and well being.  I will take better care of myself by eating well.  I will sleep more.  I will *try* to relax-that's been tough for me too lately, pretty much since May I've been tense.  I think some of that is just psychic tension, May-4 years ago was really tough on me, then June-4 years ago my Mom died.  And July is my birthday and honestly I'm always tense around my birthday, I need to work on that, I know I do, but it's hard.  So pretty much from May-July I have all these emotional triggers that pop up at random times and derail me.  I've not really been conscious of that before, but now that I am I think next year can be different.  I feel like I've been on auto pilot, just trying to get through it all, but when you go on auto pilot life happens to you, you don't happen to life and that's not the way I want to live. 

For today though I will continue my narrow focus, no caffeine, no sugar, no alcohol until I feel better inside.

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